A couple years back, I struck up an email correspondence with a guy named Chris King, who worked for the AAA Auto Club magazine “Car & Travel.” He prodded me to submit a puff piece for publication. Since I’ve logged lots of time in a touring vehicle, it wasn’t too much of a stretch to think his audience might find a few hastily cobbled-together band anecdotes mildly diverting. Chris’ boss didn’t agree, however, and even though the article actually got as far as being formatted for print, the fabled Page 40 wound up with the axe. Chris was decent enough to send me a copy though, along with a modest kill fee. He no longer works for “Car & Travel,” so the whole episode is pretty much a dead issue. I leave it to the readers of this website to contemplate the greater wisdom of the powers that be, who noticed that — in their words — the article is “not funny enough.”
Band on the Run by Derrick Bostrom
One of the best things about being in a rock and roll band is the opportunity for travel. All it takes is a little notoriety, a flexible work schedule and a handful of good phone numbers to set up a national tour. When you’re a young musician, the money takes care of itself, as does the lodging. But no matter how undeniably the lure of glamorous adventure presents itself, one fact remains unavoidable: you’ve gotta spend a lot of time in the car.
You can chart a band’s career by its travel arrangements. My old group, the Meat Puppets, started out on a shoestring, and clocked an awful lot of miles before a brief run at the top of the heap. In 1994, we had a hit song, “Backwater,” on rock radio, and we appeared on MTV almost daily as guests of Nirvana on their celebrated Unplugged special. Shortly after that, we literally dropped off the map. (That is, we stopped touring.) Along the way, we managed to amass a small junkyard of car parts that tell our story as well as any biography.
Of course, you can’t hit the road without a vehicle. Any old van will do.
It helps if your bass player’s girlfriend can get her father to help you build one of those cool shelf things that every band van needs. You know, a big piece of wood installed about two feet from the ceiling, low enough to fit sleeping bodies up on top, and high enough to stash all the equipment down below. It should also create a dark isolation chamber big enough to hold either the low man on the totem pole, or the one nursing the worst grudge or hangover.
Ideally, someone should know a little something about auto mechanics. Your van will almost certainly break down, and there isn’t much of a garage budget when you’re traveling 800 hundred miles to play for 25 bucks. At one point during our first tour, we spent all our money on a new U joint, which we installed on a freeway median on the outskirts of Houston. Afterwards, we had only enough money left over for one burger and fries, which went to our t-shirt salesman, since he installed the part.
As our fortunes grew, we developed more complicated strategies. At one point we traveled in an RV, towing a trailer full of gear, carrying three band members, two roadies, two girlfriends and a pit bull. While cumbersome, the extra weight did help keep us stuck to the road.
I remember awaking abruptly one morning near the end of an all-night drive to discover we had left the pavement and were heading for the woods. I shook the driver awake and lurched into the seat beside him as he desperately (and successfully) tried to return us to the highway. After this, we started using rest stops for midnight sleep breaks.
Generally, we had good luck with weather. Only rarely did we find ourselves driving through a blizzard, weeping with terror, driving in pitch blackness with our lights turned off to decrease snow-blindness. The worst storm we ever endured was a hurricane in England. Our rented van had broken down in the middle of a forest, which quickly became a maze of broken trees and downed power lines. Luckily, we managed to find a cemetery, which gave us an open space safe from falling timber.
Weather wasn’t the only threat we faced on the road. We also managed to drive rack smack into the Los Angeles riots of 1991 1992. As fires burned all around us and the population seethed, our roadie spent a sleepless night parked out on the street, protecting our van full of equipment from looters.
Spending the night in the van can also be one of the pleasures of life on the road. For a group traveling inside each other’s pockets, the solitude of an empty van is a welcome respite from the close quarters afforded by the financial necessity of six people sharing one hotel room.
In time, we became too popular to travel in vans. Our managers rented huge tour busses for us, gilded cages on wheels, manned by professional drivers. Instead of whiling away the hours behind the wheel listening to our own mix tapes, we sat in the back lounge watching videos. Instead of our ticket to open-road freedom, our vehicle became a symbol of the prison our success had become.
Now that it’s all over, I don’t travel much. When I do, it’s in a compact sedan, not a land boat, and I usually know where I’ll be sleeping that night. But sometimes I miss the pure twisted strangeness of the 30-hour haul, wired on candy bars and bad coffee at 4 in the morning, and another 300 miles before the next show.
Cool. A fun read, for sure! Car and Travel is square for not running this.
Excellent write-up. I can only figure that it didn’t come loaded with enough plugs about motel chain and clues of how to drain expense accounts to win the hearts of the AAA.
Funny coincidence, I was just thinking about that RV and trailer the other day. It was always a happy site to see, it meant a great night of music was in store. Visions of the RV and trailer parked outside Bogart’s and the Green Door live on!
Missed seeing the RV at the Palomino in April 93, that parking lot was rough looking. An excellent show with Giant Sand.
P.S. I vaguely remember seeing a Van behind Safari Sams in ’85. Maybe pulled up to the back door, in the stage loading area. The (simultaneous) Michael Jackson – Madonna tribute was memorable, remarkable, touching.
Yes, it was always a happy site to see that RV with the trailer parked in the alley next to the Metro in Chicago. I remember not being able to get to a show at Lounge Axe when the snow was too deep and they closed down the Kennedy Expressway! I wonder – how does a Winnebago handle in 2 feet of drifting snow?
It’s funny you should ask, since that anecdote didn’t make the final cut — the one about us sliding off the icy road one morning. The only thing that saved us from tipping over was that the trailer jacknifed us into place long enough for to be rescued.
Not to be nit picky but weren’t the LA riots in 1992? Sorry, but my chronological memory is my sole asset. I know the Rodney King incident was in early 1991 but I believe the riots took place after the not guilty verdicts (police on trial) in 1992.
Anyways, I love reading stories of the road by anyone. More so if it is coming from a rock star in a band I love to dig!
Finally, I am pretty sure someone suggested this before but you really do need to write a book. I have no doubt that time is your most precious commodity but I also have no doubt it would be a great read AND MAYBE, just maybe, make you some money. Movie rights, anyone?
Good catch! Made all the more funny since this version is the one featuring the magazine’s own edits. So they missed it too!
Print publications in any multi-tiered organization with an approval process are a headache. But I often tried to get a freak on the bus with me, and when I tried it often worked. This one didn’t. I love Bostrom’s writing, though.
No criticism of anyone involved was implied, of course. Except me, since I have to agree that the article isn’t funny enough.
Dropped back in, dreading some flameout from hardcore Puppets fans. When I (or anyone, I guess) end up in blog environments, I’m usually discouraged by the mean-spirited nature of the follow-up posts. Not so here. Good. Anyway, Black History Month is not so far away. Maybe we should try this again for my new publication, where there is no daunting approvals process. Ready to write that “Blackula” essay? Hit me up at Brodog if you are.
Imperious blogging is indeed a pitfall I’ve noticed as well. I guess it’s easy to be a legend in your own mind when you’re back at the house all alone with a hand on the spigot that controls the flow of the outside world into your consciousness. I like to think of the content thread as good place for clarificational follow-up, which isn’t to say that we haven’t al been guilty of the sin of the too-brief answer.
Alas, I’ve never seen “Blackula.” I gather last year’s suggestion, “Warren Harding, America’s Black President” was too flip!
You sent me the soundtrack to it! I thought you were a junkie on blaxploitation dracula films or at least an initiate. The Harding connection eludes me, I don’t know diddly on him. I did look at “George Washington’s Expense Account” today and thought how much I loved it. Also, for anyone who follows this thread through, I’ll note here that the ed.-in-chief who spiked the Bostrom column, far from a square, is a cool guy who believe it or not was one of the first bona fide music critics, back when that dubious form was first under construction. I have somewhere a picture of him in KISS makeup joshing around with those guys when not many people off of Long Island knew who they were …
1.) You editor was totally correct in spiking this article. It’s a superficial whitewash!
2.) The Puppets’ old manager, Jamie Kitman’ s father wrote “Expense Account,” the wonderful columnist Marvin Kitman. I have an autographed copy.
3.) http://www.stewartsynopsis.com/warren_gamaliel_harding.htm
4.) I tried to sit through “Blacula” once. I found it be, if you’ll pardon me saying it, a little long in the tooth.
Well… So yeah!
I regularly visit only TWO websites: MEAT PUPPETS/ BostWorld; and Butthole Surfers. com.
What else IS out there worth wasting precious moments of a workaholic freakazoid’s consciousness and so-called “life”???
Keeep keeping us entertained and amused by your thoughtfully articulated anecdotes.
Yer stuff is golden. And not just the pupppets site– BostWorld is full of incredibly amazing gems of ancient and forgotten lore.
In sincere appreciation, and full-on agreement with all o’ the folks who clamor for you to write a book of your memoirs… PLEASE do, OK?
Thanks for everything, Derrick. You fuckin’ ROCK, man!!!
Your friend,
–Eric.
Thanks Eric. I suppose there’s little point in arguing against a memoir (not that I ever have!).
I remember catching the mp’s @ a dive in huntsville,alabama in early 90′s. All of their albs are masterpieces in their own way. I can only imagine the drive that far to here(alabama) in the rv (yes-they had the rv then as it blocked everything in the back of the bar prkg lot). I remember sharing bong hits w/the band after the show in the rv- I miss that time in my life. thanks for the memory–Bill
I remember all of the vehicles, including that Dave did most of the driving. The RV was the best. One night, Curt kicked us (Cris, Derek, and hanger’s on, including me) out before a show in Colo. Springs, as he was pissed off, had a headache and wanted peace and quiet before the show. Later that night, the lights went out, the Pups kept playing and it was a real barn burner. Cris ended the show be giving every chocolate (“delicious Hershey’s chocolate”). Of course, Derek graciously made me a copy of the show, which is still one of my favorites… The van also was fun, as the boys were more mobile and we could drive to parties in Boulder after the show. At one party, Curt freaked out all the hippies by talking about shooting off automatic weapons in desert. Poor hippies! They actually believed the Pups WERE a punk version of the Dead. The Tour Bus was the worst, as the Pups were less accessible. However, I remember sitting in the alcoves of Red Rocks and these two groupies (other than me) were back there hanging on Curt’s every mumbled word and drinking all the Heineken. When STP went on stage, I went up to see what the fuss was about and it turns out that the two groupies were Scott Weiland (sp?) and his brother… At least they knew their place backstage even if they did make all the money!!!
Hi Derrick!
It was fun falling upon your blog today. I really like your article on the Road. Did I ever tell you about my great idea for a rock ‘n ‘roll theme park? It’s like Branson Missouri only for old 80s and 90s bands. The bands – and we all know who they are – play there all the time and the PEOPLE have to come visit, thus obviating the need for touring, vans, etc. There are a number of different clubs. One is called “Set List.” Every band has to play the same 12 songs. Another is called “Backstage.” Everyone in the audience gets to wear a laminate, and stand behind the stage so they’re only listening to the monitor mix and looking at everyone’s butt, plus, you can only get beer by plunging your hand into a bucket of ice cold water. There were some other clubs I thought of but I forget them now. Oh, there’s an old van museum, with an exhibit/diarama where visitors get to sit all cramped up in a “real” band van, for like eight hours at a time. There’s hotels in this theme park, of course, but if you pay the deluxe rate, you get to spend the night on someone’s hard floor.
The sad thing is, I think this park has real potential…
cheers -
Gina
Hi Gina! Nice to hear from you!
Don’t forget the “Rehab” ride, where you sign up for twelve weeks of food, rest and counsellings, but are sprung by your pals after two days. The exit to “Rehab” takes you back to the park entrance.
I’d be greatful if anyone could tell me where I could once again hear the meat puppets cove of ‘I will always love you’ it was on their myspace a while ago, but it got replaced, and I really anjoyed it but cant seem to find it anywhere
Although this subject wasn’t mentioned in Derrick’s rejected article above, I know Curt played that song on his solo excursions in 2001. Check the Wohlers archive for that exact track.
http://www.wohlers.org/puppets/curt-maxwell/
Thank you, much apretiated
Thanks for the plug, Derrick. There was one mistake in your citataion. I only co-wrote the Washington expense account book. The correct ID: “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington & Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.). As the last living co-author of Gen. Washington, I have to deal with these things. He wrote the original expense account for his eight years fighting British tyranny, and I explained the items he put on the pad. Including the equivilent of a brand new van the first day on the job.
Hmm…someone’s been Googling himself again…!
You are of course correct about the accreditation. By the way, we saw you on the History Channel last week as part of my celebration of President’s Day. As my wife likes to remind me every year, “We’ve already seen this program,” but I just can’t resist.
Give my best to the family, and thanks again for the autograph!
I am the editor of a publication in Arkansas that is focused on giving artists a voice. Since you will be playing Arkansas in the near future – I would love to run this article as an op/ed piece. Throw in a picture or so and a bio and I’ll include that as well. Loved it.
It’s all a matter of knowing your customer.
I wouldn’t go to one of your concerts because I don’t enjoy your type of music, and the AAA magazine simply was night the right customer for this type of article.
FYI — even full-time professional freelance writers get rejected sometimes. Stop whining.
Hmm. I have two reasons for doubting the veracity of this comment:
Anyone working in editorial should be able to tell the difference between “whining” and providing context. I see no whining up above — I see agreement.
Anyone working in editorial should know the difference between “night” and “not.”
That said, I always thought AAA and Meat Puppets was a poor fit. But it wasn’t the first time a fan tried to shoehorn us into his life with less than optimal results. You should hear my tape of the time we were asked to a fan’s high school music class. The teacher tore us apart.
Cell phone and texing users will not stop wit a ticket. If the police are writing it should be a receipt and CONFISCATE the phone for 3 days to be picked up at a depot like the tow away cars . Too harsh what is a life worth?